I’ve been away from this a while. Sammy’s first birthday flew past, as have probably a lot of the things I wanted to remember. But that’s ok. Motherhood is in full force. The adventure’s now a way of life… the heavy eyes, the heart-bursting delights and the slight bewilderment are still there, but they are the every day. Juggling is the norm and the best I can do is enough. I hope. Things will never be like they were before Sammy. The perfectionist has had to drop the act and try to acknowledge her achievements each day. The house might be begging for a scrub, it may have been weeks since I’ve eaten a proper lunch besides the scraps Sammy has discarded, but it doesn’t matter. Time has never been so precious.
So I’m not cross at myself for neglecting this space.
As usual I’m still not quite sure how it’s happening. I’m doing it. I’m a mama at last. I’m growing a business with my own family and I’m working for myself most of the time for now. I’m dancing, albeit rather ungracefully, between them. Muddling is a better word. Somedays I fall but life isn’t perfect. It’s not easy. Every mother knows that. But easy never was as fun. And I’ve never been one for doing nothing.
I’m so lucky to be able to do this though. Seeing Buddy and Bear grow with my husband, hearing response from the nicest people all over the world, getting to spend most days with my sweet boy is something I would work all night for and a lot of the time do. There are of course the moments I feel at my wits end; I don’t think I’ll ever be up to date on admin whilst there’s a little S trying to climb up my leg and bash the keyboard with a mug. But things are kind of working for now, things are evolving and there’s a lot more to discover. The thing about a family business is just that. It’s part of the family. It squeezes into each little nook and cranny we can find, whether that be the stock bursting out of our two bed home, or the emails I’m slotting in whilst the kettle boils. We fit it in because we love it and we want to nurture it.
Whilst I’m scared of sharing for all to see, that’s partly why I’ve decided to move these words over to Buddy and Bear. It’s me, it’s us and it’s all intertwined.